wait no go back
go all the way back
for songs that have no other place to go.
the island of misfit songs, if you will.
the 14th track on every pre-do the collapse guided by voices album
just felt like poking fun at those really short tracks on earlier GBV albums. i recorded this while my dad was letting me muck around with his electric guitar.
british prime ministers administering shots
little green army men are sleeping in their cots
mr. macho's got to work, let's see what you've got
scientific paper
i decided to make a song for FAWM's 2024 50/90 challenge even though i wasn't participating this year. henry was doing the same thing.
(one two three four)
i just wrote a scientific paper
based on everything i think i recall
the sources cited are full of "i think"s
but nobody will care
nobody will care
what the heck
(parody of "what the heck" by i tried to run away when i was 6 but got too scared to cross the street)
what the heck
is that thing
it looks so crazy
got a couple more eyes
than i think it needs
i don't know what even, what evem
to do
that's why i took a pic, sent a pic
to you
what the heck
is that thing
it's kinda scary
neither of us have moved an inch
since it noticed me and
i don't know what even, what evem
to do
that's why i took a pic, sent a pic
to you
x-ray vision
(submission for Newgrounds' AIM 2024 contest, where you make a song based on a piece of art somebody else made)
let me look at you
i have x-ray vision
that we might meld into
each other's aspic skin
through us we boil down
we are magnet bound
that we might freeze forever
and be for 1,000 years
you unlock a primal emotion
you summon something within me
you give me x-ray vision
the world disappears when we are we
i can't see i don't want to
i can't move i don't want to
i can't leave when i want you
i can't be what is not you
i can't see i don't want to
i can't move i don't want to
i can't leave when i want you
i can't be what is not you
i don't remember
the layout of this room
it could be 5 in the morning
it doesn't even matter
we are now animals
society knows us no more
i want to feel you
everywhere i can
i suggest a more apt revision
you remove the junk within me
you give me x-ray vision
the world disappears when we are we
i can't see i don't want to
i can't move i don't want to
i can't leave when i want you
i can't be what is not you
i can't see i don't want to
i can't move i don't want to
i can't leave when i want you
i can't be what is not you
Tim, I Wish You Weren't Such a Douche
(parody of "Tim I Wish You Were Born a Girl" by of Montreal)
tim, wish you weren't such a douche
wish you weren't such a douche
so that you wouldn't piss me off so much
you're pissin' me off right now
because of the way how
you act so unaffected all the time
wish you weren't such a dick
wish you weren't such an ass
you really strike a nerve with me, you get me fuming fast
i'm sick of all your shit
can't take much more of it
so i just wanted to say
fuck you, tim
Cheese Rap
(for cheese week 2023. i didn't submit this as my thing, i made a short cartoon instead)
YO!
i like cheese and i like it the most
it is the opposite of gross
i have eaten it multiple times
it helps me come up with my killer rhymes (gangsta grizzill)
(xander on the beat so it's noon)
i consider cheese dislikers my opps
beat up those foes like pop pop pop
give cheese its due respect at least
just NEVER say "i do not like cheese"
(or else i'll murder you. i'm not joking)
cheese can be yellow, orange, white, or brown
face me in a cheese battle and you're going down
(i just tell it like it is)
anyways, here is the featured rapper on the track. take it away, easy cheese!
[stertorous breathing]
if i had to pick a favorite type of cheese i would choose cooper
but, truth is, every cheese is super
you can eat it with a fork or spoon
and it's on the surface of the moon
germany exported over five billion dollars
of cheese 2 years ago and it makes me holler
in joy to think of that much cheese
and how many people it pleased
my dream is to one day have a cheese
that has been named after ME!
benjamin cheese
(doesn't that sound nice? i think so)
Hyacinth / Cloud
(slapped together in the car while en route to disneyworld in order to release a fake music video for april fools' day)
(um... ahem, sorry)
i went outside
i saw a sky
i saw my house
i saw a bug
i did not see the banana peel ops
(oh...)
ops i fell over
(uh, that's not-)
(you guys aren't even ready for this next verse, because it's gonna be really crazy. ahem, hold on one second)
(oh yeah, that's right. i forgot- i forgot the lyr- what the lyrics were for like a few second, but- but it's okay, i-i'm sorry, um, i'm just gonna do it)
i went inside
i got a band-aid
i fix my boo-boo
i go to bed
i sleep for 16 hours
(that was the instrumental sequence)
(okay, next- next verse are you ready okay because here we go)
i don’t like eating foods I haven’t tried yet
i don't think they look y- i- er, i do, i do think they look yucky, hahahahahaha
my mommy gets mad at me because, uh, i only eat mcdonalds chicken nuggets and nerds candy
but i don’t care because i’m still alive
and i get to watch inanimate ins-sanit-
um, i like the girls
and girls like me
probably
i don’t like tally hall
because girls like tally hall
but the girls like tally hall
so i will pretend to like it
there's enough room in the song, hold on-
there's enough room in the song for a final verse
but i didn't have anything in mind so
i'm just gonna say something until it's- it seems like it'd a good place to leave off like now
this is the end part of the song so you have to keep listening 'til it's over thank you
the ball 2
(parody of "the ball" by me)
i do not remember a single word of the verse
(i pushed it out of my mind) because it was so cringe (ooh!)
saw beta theta talent line, said "i'll take a whack!"
but then i just didn't try, and the song sucked ASS!
it's the ball keeps rolling rolling, ball keeps rolling
it's the ball keeps rolling rolling, ball keeps rolling
(and crumbles everything beneath it) (beep!)
(hey ben! i listened to your song. it SUCKED!)
(and you know what? i think ya STINK, i think you're UGLY, i think you're a no-good yellow-bellied hipster moron who will contribute nothing to the world!)
(go suck a lemon, you trifling coward! give that hair to someone who deserves it!)
(catch ya later, BITCH IDIOT!)
Fast Rats Facts
(submission for a compilation album which as far as i'm aware was never realized)
(formatting of text will change with every new voice i do)
rats have twelve boobs
rats have twelve boobs
rats have twelve boobs
rats have twelve boobs
this one has ten
where's the last pair
no idea
(huh.)
rats have twelve boobs
rats have twelve boobs
rats have twelve boobs
rats wuh eh buh. uh!
rats are sacred in hindu faith
rats also appear on the zodiac
rats have twelve boobs
rats have twelve boobs
rats only live for about 2, 3 years
rats come in varied pigments of fur
rats are an interesting animal
but the utmost inter-esting fact by far
is that rats have twelve boobs
rats have twelve boobs
(and now: for some fake fast rats facts. begin!)
rats don't sleep laying down. instead, they sleep levitating 2 inches off the ground.
rats can comprehend every spoken language except for french.
rats, when inflated, can reach 3 feet in diameter.
rats tend to agree that dead or alive is the best band of all time.
rats cannot see the color lilac.
rats have a better understanding of the subtle meaning of paintings than people do.
rats are secretly elton john in disguise.
rats have thirteen boobs.
(WHAAAT?! THEY DO NOT! YOU LISTEN HERE YOU SNOT NOSED LIAR! RATS HAVE TWELVE BOOBS! THAT'S HOW IT'S BEEN, AND THAT'S HOW IT ALWAYS WILL BE! THERE'S NO REASON IT HAS TO CHA-)
(my goodness, i don't believe it! you mean to tell me that thirteen boobs is the count of boobs on a rat, when i can look at a picture and see twelve, exactly twelve boobs? that is completely ridiculous, and i d-)
I'm a Ghost (1)
(early Reading Machine track, scrapped after being deemed "too silly")
you know i made it in the paper one time
i was in the supernatural section
i'm really happy that the paper has one
because normally they do not have one
so i bet that you're wondering
am i a ghost or something and the answer is actually yes
but the people don't know that yet
they all just think i'm a magician who is good at his job
so i bet that you're wondering
is there some reason or something
that i have returned from the dead
and the answer again is yes
but i would rather keep it to myself 'cause it's a personal thing
i can bust a couple myths if you'd like
about dying and the spectral experience
'cause although i can do some of the ghost stuff
there's some things i haven't figured out yet
i can make people hear me fine so long as they think i'm a human alive
but i can't achieve flight
and i can't otherwise defy the laws of gravit-eye
gravi- ...whoops
so i bet that you're wondering
if i'm a ghost does that mean
i have to haunt my former abode
and the answer is actually no
i am free to come and go anytime and anywhere
so i hope you don't mind but i've got to hightail it now
'cause in a minute i will be on the line
with WHYY
to talk about my magic show this weekend so i'll see you around
The Classiest Rapper
i don't drink lean, i drink fine wine
sipping on a coupe glass in my free time
all these oafs try to put me down, for shame!
i'm the classiest rapper in the whole rap game
giving all my pennies to the poor
that way i don't have to pay my taxes anymore
spending every weekend on a yacht
i have 14, how many have you got
PragerU Rap (The Left Wants to Take Your Penis)
(i do not remember why i made this)
hey, guys, it's dennis prager
don't worry, thank me later
yeah
the left is coming for you
so i'll tell you what to do
if you should face them
they shrink at the very sound
of any right-wing propaganda
like turning point usa or something
don't look them straight in the eye
or you will turn to stone and die
just show them a picture of ben shapiro
just know that i'll always be with you
i'll stand with you in your fight with the left
if anybody wants to say that they're not bad
just remember this one fact
the left wants to take your penis
and shove it into a paper shredder
they only care about their own ideas (the left wants your penis)
(to turn to tofu so they feed the vegans)
the left wants to take your penis
and shove it into a paper shredder
they only care about their own ideas (the left wants your penis)
(to turn to tofu so they feed the vegans)
yeah, that's actually true. they wanna rip o- your penis off, 'cause they want you to turn into a woman. because they think that women are better than men.
i don't know why, because men are obviously better than women. in literally every single way. every single way possible. there is no way that a woman is better than a man. because my name is dennis prager. and you've- you're watching PragerU. with guest speaker ben shapiro. who will now speak. (thanks, dennis.)
if we are to believe that your left flawed logic is to be believed
answer me this one simple hypothetical which i am now going to present to you:
if global warming is so real, like you all say
how can i do this one thing that i can show to you today?
it's cold out right now. it's cold out right now.
so if i were to take off my jacket, why would i get cold?
see, that's the problem
global warming isn't a problem
the temperature rise is so small, that, um...
...oh, what's that?
the song ended?
well, let's say, hypothetically, that i were to extend the length of the song a little bit more, so that i could keep explaining, k- be- because- 'cause i'm not done yet.
i bet you're a part of the left, too, you're being really- ...pushin' it with me here right now.