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Ben in a House

From Wikisneedia, the snee ensnyclopeendia

This article is about Ben Glenander. For other Bens who have also been in a house, see Ben (disambiguation).

Ben
This is not Ben, this is Chace Crawford.
BornJames Harlan Benjamin Schuyler Whitespot Glenander
12 January 2005 (age 20)
Boston, Massachusetts
OccupationArtist
PartnerCarrie Glenander (m. 2025)
Children0 or 1[nb 2]
RelativesAdam Conover (second cousin once removed)

John Benjamin Schuyler Glenander[nb 1] (born James Harlan Benjamin Schuyler Whitespot Glenander; 12 January 2005), doing business as Ben in a House, is an American cartoonist, musician, songwriter, director, activist, and felon.[1] He is most well known for his several attempts to illegally air television pilots he financed and directed on public-access television, and for having kidnapped a magical pony in his house for two years. In addition to his current trade name, Ben in a House, Ben has published artwork, poetry, and music under the names Gyakuten, Tom Warren, and Errol Warwick.

Contents

Early life

Ben's birthplace

Ben was born James Harlan Benjamin Schuyler Whitespot Glenander, First Viscount of Weatherby Treatise to Charles Abner "Skipper" Glenander and his wife, Martha Winnifred (née Hundredthousand-Whitespot) in Boston, Masssachussetts.[2] His birth created new interest in his family's title and an investigation by the Boston Social Register was set in motion. It was quickly discovered that there was never a viscounty called Weatherby Treatise, and the title had been fabricated by Ben's great-grandmother, Crystal Lynne Thoroughgood. Thoroughgood was a notorious con artist who ran numerous scams throughout Massachusetts in the early 20th century.[3] After changing their names, his parents raised him in hiding in Beautiful Holes, a gated community made almost entirely of underground homes in the Pocono Mountains.

For years, Ben never spoke in prose, only in song, until he turned 6, at which point he slowly phased out speaking in song. During this period, he exhibited notably advanced knowledge of melody and intervals in several musical scales. By the age of 7, he had forgotten everything, but retained an interest in music. He started a band with his father and his best friend Vernon called SpawnerZ in 2012, and their debut single "Closer" reached #5 on the Alternative charts in the Philippines.

In 2009, Ben was struck in the left temple by a meteor.

Political career

In 2020, Ben founded the Scranton Community Against Polygraph Testing (SCAPT) with an unknown co-founder. The co-founder claimed to be Jason Schwartzman, but Ben realized too late that such a thing couldn't be possible when he remembered that Jason Schwartzman did not have a large goiter. The partner got away with over $40,000. Nevertheless, Ben continued to promote the organization, which now has over 200 members.

In 2021, Ben stepped down as chairman and German YouTuber Eukter Hahnwürger took his place.

In 2022, Ben began affiliating himself with an amorphous anarcho-syndicalist furry pirate organization and openly supported "sailing the seven seas and stealing shit from people, mostly treasure." Ben admits to having stolen a wide variety of "doubloons and other treasure", which he keeps hidden in his home. In 2023, he became less active in piracy, but continued to accompany several of his associates on raids and boat trips. During this time, he admitted to having "flings" with five female furries and one male furry, "just to try it out."[4]

Ben is currently running for first minister of Nunavut despite admitting he has never been there. Ben reasons that "It should be easy enough to win— I looked around Nunavut on Google Maps and there's, like, nothing there." His official platform lobbies for "more snow".[5]

Crimes

In 2017, Ben was arrested outside his home after being identified as the "Wilkes-Barre Tommer". During his trial, he was connected to the vandalism of countless monuments and statues in the Scranton-Wilkes-Barre metropolitan area by replacing all human faces depicted with a flat piece of cardboard with various instances of Tom Bergeron's face. When interrogated by Scranton police, Ben said: "I remember this segment on AFV in the Bergeron era where they would edit the peoples in the videos' faces so that they have his face on it instead of theirs and I thought it was funny [sic]." He was fined $50,000 and sentenced to one month in prison for serial vandalism, poor etiquette, and general recalcitrance.[6]

On 20 May 2022, Ben was fined $50,000 for allegedly dropping chewing gum in Bob Newhart's hair. He was identified by a witness as the man overheard confessing to a friend at a SweetFrog 2 hours after the crime occurred. The charges were dropped 4 months later after a private settlement. Ben maintains his innocence.[7]

On 2 September 2025, Ben's property was investigated by Immigration and Customs Enforcement after an anonymous caller contacted their tip line and alleged that Ben had illegally entered an interracial marriage. While searching his study, officers found an emaciated young male magical pony standing completely still against the wall opposite to the door. It told the officers not to take it away, and that Ben was a "goddy thing from up the sky" who was taking good care of it. When asked why it was emaciated, the pony simply restated that it was being taken good care of, and begged not to be taken away. The ICE squadron was disappointed with the insufficient amount of apparent anti-American paraphernalia in the house, and decided to rescue the pony since they had made all the effort of searching his home.

Ben was arrested when he arrived home on the same day, and his case was heard in court on 29 September. On October 9, he was sentenced to 5 years of house arrest for kidnapping, child abuse, and vaguely anti-American sentiment. His sentence was originally longer, but it was reduced because he repeatedly misgendered the pony while it was under his care, calling it a "girly boy" and referring to it by the name "little Chloë". The pony admitted to police that Ben told it "I would get my boy name back if I were good," and refused to tell police its desired "boy name" out of fear that it would be punished. The pony was sent to a Montessori school for magical ponies with brain damage or severe psychological trauma. During his trial, Ben confessed that he had found the young pony "on the ground" outside his home and he "wanted to have it" in his study.[8]

Personal life

Ben lives under house arrest in Jessup, Pennsylvania with his imaginary wife Carrie and over 1,000 pets, mostly invertebrates.[9]

In the summer of 2024, Ben inexplicably began sleeping for up to 18 hours at a time, and would be able to recall over 6 hours of dreams when he woke up. In these vivid dreams, he met a shapeshifting figure named Carrie who took several animal forms, but most often appeared as a small angel. He announced that he had entered a relationship with her in December. They got married five months later.[10] Soon after, Ben started sleeping for a more normal amount of time, but he claimed that since their marriage he could communicate and interact with Carrie while awake.

On ██ ██████ 2025, Ben's mother left the house, claiming to have seen a light. She said it seemed like she needed to go see it. She walked very slowly out of the house, without bringing anything with her. Ben has only ever been relayed this story from other people, and doesn't know what actually happened. He doesn't want to know.

Deaths

Ben has claimed to have died in over 51 ways. He has never explained why any of these events has never resulted in his actual cessation of life and activity.

Discography

Main article: Ben in a House discography

Studio albums / EPs

Compilation albums

Notes

  1. ^ In legal contexts, Ben often writes his full name as "J. Benjamin Schuyler Glenander" or "J. Benjamin S. Glenander". In informal contexts, he usually doesn't include the name "John" at all.
  2. ^ Ben sometimes refers to the magical pony he kidnapped as his "boy".
  3. ^ Best of Microcassette 1 is only available as a private album on Bandcamp, and Ben will only give you a code if you reach out to him via email and ask for a copy.

References

  1. ^ Glenander, Benjamin. "ben-cool-webpage".
  2. ^ Delplacid, Marguerite. "Fake marquess and family chased out of Boston".
  3. ^ Matthew, Perry. "CON WOMAN CRYSTAL THOROUGHGOOD STILL AT LARGE".
  4. ^ Chinnaswamy, Prithviraj. "These swashbuckling furries are coming for your gold".
  5. ^ Glenander, Benjamin. "Benjamin Glenander's Official Campaign Advertisement for First Minister of Nunavut".
  6. ^ van Rensselaer, Ernest. "Wilkes-Barre Tommer identified".
  7. ^ Drinkline, Kelly. "Some creep just fucking dropped some gum into Bob Newhart's fucking hair! WTF?".
  8. ^ Scranton Times-Tribune, 30 September 2025. "Magical pony found chained up in musician's house".
  9. ^ Glenander, Benjamin. "2025 Up to Date List of Ben's Pets, Possessions, and Pals".
  10. ^ "I'M GETTING MARRIED" (Facebook).
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