For My Sister, Who Isn't Real

amount of swear words: 13
longest word: "counterintuitive" (the incline), or, if you count this as one word, "self-preservation" (self-preservation instincts)
slowest song: "grendel" (77 bpm)
fastest song: "pool for bats" (138 bpm)
longest song: "KAB" (4:31)
shortest song: "lydian theme" (1:42)
least words: "lydian theme" (19)
most words: "we are ants" (663! BEHEMOTH!)
highest note hit: D#5 (self-preservation instincts)
lowest note hit: A2 (computer)

key: g major
tempo: ~104 bpm
recorded: 12-12-2024
fun fact: read about the chinese room thought experiment. it's interesting. (and you'll also understand the chorus of the song)
good word: jewels

(-n we do this in the morning?)
(okay. ...i haven't tried sleeping as a ghost before, i'll try that no-)

when introduced to a book of rules
like flirting with a girl and buying her jewels
did i already know what i read
or did i learn it from the book instead

am i in a chinese room
or do i speak chinese
am i in a chinese room
or do i speak chinese

isn't the moon supposed to be over there
isn't it freezing? what's dripping from my hair
am i so smart that i recognize
the reasons that tears are coming out of my eyes

shouldn't that door swing the other way
why is the sky so clear today
why am i in such a regular hell
where i know what it is but i still can't tell

if i'm in a chinese room
or if i speak chinese
am i in a chinese room
or do i speak chinese

key: b dorian
tempo: 138 bpm
recorded: 10-13-2024 - 11-26-2024
fun fact: i got the idea for this song when i was listening to "cruel for rats" by guided by voices, and i realized the title rhymed with "cool for cats", a song by squeeze. i then decided to make my own song with a title that rhymed with them.
good word: discogs

out in the yard with hammer in hand
been studyin' the stars and stuff to figure out my cosmic demand
i don't know what i'm doing here
i wish that i was doing something else but the instructions were clear

who would build this
a pool for a bat isn't proven to need to exist
who came up with this
this must be some kind of sick joke at my expense

but that's life isn't it
you can't ever hope to make sense of whatever you get
it's never what you expect
you're thinking something logical and you're handed a pool for bats
pool for bats
pool for bats
pool for bats

glenn and the guys, they know where it's at
they make the kind of boppin' poppy new wave stuff that's cool for a cat
'course i don't want exactly the same
just want some kids with discogs accounts to tell their buddies my name

i don’t get it
what about me being me makes it harder to get
everybody else’s logic is sound
but to justify this stupid pool for bats i’ve got to scramble around

but that's life isn't it
you can't ever hope to make sense of whatever you get
it's never what you expect
you're thinking something logical and you're handed a pool for bats (ooh)
pool for bats (ooh)
pool for bats (ooh)
pool for bats (ooh)
pool for bats (ooh) (nnggggg)
pool for bats (ooh)
pool for bats (ooh) (nnggggg)
pool for bats (ooh)

key: g major
tempo: 77 bpm
written: 10-17-2024
recorded: 10-28-2024 - 11-2-2024
good word: disgusting

everyone is disgusting
full of black burnt sugar and hair
closed off in a shell of clay
i made my face into a sun

i don’t see a monster in the unhappy wight
i see a tragedy hidden from light

we the underwater men
we need our blankets to live
we’re homo something else
we don't know what landsmen do

i’d never raid the mead hall
i never would, i promise
i just need you to hug me
so that i stop imagining it

i don’t see a monster stepping the march
i see a pity kicked into the dark

i never would
i promise
i never would
i promise

key: f major
tempo: 83 bpm
written: 9-25-2023
recorded: 11-23-2024 - 12-22-2024
fun fact: that's the alarm clock i based the song off of at the end.

the weeks have days
the days have hours
i have my hands
my hands have fingers
a problem has parts
and some solutions
solutions have parts
and parts have parts

the world is too complex
this makes it good and bad
the fact that there's no just good is good
and it's also bad
the world is too complex
this makes it good and bad
the fact that there's no just good is good
and it's also bad

key: c major
tempo: unsteady
written: 9-1-2024
recorded: 10-11-2024
good word: SNL

i asked a computer to write a song for me
about how everyone's mean to each other and that makes me angry
but the song it made for me kinda stunk
i decided to wait 'til they're better at that to try again
i tried my luck with

youtube tutorials next
i started a seventeen part series
that i haven't finished yet

i-
i asked a computer to write a song for me
about all the things in life that made me feel better or happy
it told me that i like watching tv
and that i like to watch snl and modern family

it's so impressive
i mean, it wasn't right, but
look how well it guessed it

i asked a computer to confess to my crush for me

key: d minor
tempo: 105 bpm
recorded: 9-16-2024 - 11-15-2024
fun fact: i produced my own party chatter to be in the background of this song. sprinkled in at random points is the same clip of me saying "reaganomics, maaaan!"
good word: nary

i'm a dead fly
on the wall at your party
you'll get nary a whisper out of me
i was never meant
to be inside
but i got here and i won't leave

nobody knows that i'm here
the same place that i got smashed
by somebody who remained unaware of me
as they killed me against the wall

i'll go door to door at my own pace
i'll go door to door at my own pace
i'll go door to door at my own pace (crashing on couches)
i'll go door to door at my own pace (crashing on couches)

eavesdropping and inconsiderate
eavesdropping and inconsiderate
eavesdropping and inconsiderate
eavesdropping and in-

i've just gotta have a little role in your life
whether you want me there or not
i need to get high on the enigma
that my delusion insists i have

i'll go door to door at my own pace
i'll go door to door at my own pace
i'll go door to door at my own pace (crashing on couches)
i'll go door to door at my own pace (crashing on couches)

eavesdropping and inconsiderate
eavesdropping and inconsiderate
eavesdropping and inconsiderate
eavesdropping and inconsiderate
eavesdropping and inconsiderate

key: a lydian
tempo: 112 bpm
recorded: 11-26-2024
good word: you

take your time
i'll be here waiting
keepin' post
the second you arrive i'll be there to greet you

key: a# minor
tempo: 99 bpm
written: 5-3-2024
recorded: 12-20-2024 - 12-21-2024
fun fact: this was originally written for a collaborative project between me, henry, and cass sylvania.
good word: water

on my commute i can think about anything
run through unlimited scenarios in my head
where i catch a bullet with my hand
but when i’m held the door for and i try to talk i can’t
it’s barely english but it means about the same thing
the kinds of stuff you utter in a subway rat king
but with my headphones on there’s no use in reaching me
because when i am walking i have shed all my humanity

we are ants from the second that we walk out the door
‘til we catch the elevator and we get to our floor
we’re a mess and we’ve only got one goal in mind
our eyes can’t see colors, only dark and light
we are ants from the second that we walk out the door
‘til we catch the elevator and we get to our floor
we’re a mess and we’ve only got one goal in mind
our eyes can’t see colors, only dark and light

i can lift a weight a couple hundred times my own size
it’s easy when you can’t see it with your eyes
they tell you that it’s there and that you’re doing really great
so that the only part that’s feeling it is your brain
i can’t function and i can’t see the world like i should
i feel nothing when i feel dirt, water, or wood
i walk fast ‘cause i care about efficiency
less time walking is less time not being me

we are ants from the second that we walk out the door
‘til we catch the elevator and we get to our floor
we’re a mess and we’ve only got one goal in mind
our eyes can’t see colors, only dark and light
we are ants from the second that we walk out the door
‘til we catch the elevator and we get to our floor
we’re a mess and we’ve only got one goal in mind
our eyes can’t see colors, only dark and light

(on. my. co. mmute.) we are ants from the second that we walk out the door (i. can't. func. tion.)
(i. can. think. a.) ‘til we catch the elevator and we get to our floor (and. i. can't. see.)
(bout. a. ny. thing.) we’re a mess and we’ve only got one goal in mind (the. world. like. i.)
(run. through. un. li.) our eyes can’t see colors, only dark and light (should. i. feel. no.)
(mi. ted. sce. na.) we are ants from the second that we walk out the door (thing. when. i. feel.)
(ri. os. in. my.) ‘til we catch the elevator and we get to our floor (dirt. wa. ter. or.)
(head. where. i. catch.) we’re a mess and we’ve only got one goal in mind (wood. i. walk. fast.)
(a. bu. llet. with.) our eyes can’t see colors, only dark and light ('cause. i. care. a.)
(my. hand. but. when.) we are ants from the second that we walk out the door (bout. e. ffi. cien.)
(i'm. held. for. the.) ‘til we catch the elevator and we get to a fluh (cy. less. time. wal.)
(door. and. i. try.) werda mess and we’be ody gawa godo maaah (king. is. less. time.)
(to. talk. i. can't.) our eyes can’t see codors, unda duncan light (not. be. ing. me.)
(it's. bare. ly. eng.) we are nents nuh duh fendishada w- n- the door (i. can. lift. a.)
(lish. but. it. means...) wealy yacan see elevator derwee get to our floor... (weight. a. cou. ple...)

key: f# major
tempo: 92 bpm
recorded: 10-1-2024 - 11-14-2024
fun fact: this was the first time i ever tried to get one song to transition into another (i did we are ants later).
good word: kyphotic

(i wonder if i'm gonna screw it up, like... 'cause i keep doing vocal takes, but, i dunno if it's... well, we'll find out.)
(if you do a, uh, thing, do it... where i put the cut right there. if you do, like, a transition thing put the cut right-- there.)

squirrelly blond boy tryna sidestep the mud
he doesn't like the rain and he doesn't like the wind
he's dressed in silk at 6 pm
when the sun disappears behind the mountains he's fucked

oh he's fucked
he's fucked
when the sun disappears he's fucked
he's fucked
oh, he's fucked

the world is kind to the kyphotic aryan boy
he loves it and it loves him back
he shivers and shakes like a wet deer in fright
it's such a sad sight
the rich prince who hides in the bathroom

disconnected, he watches them die
he's scared of doing something without asking first
he's dressed in silk at 6 pm
when the first cool breeze of the evening kicks up he's fucked

oh he's fucked
he's fucked
when the breeze kicks up he's fucked
he's fucked
oh, he's fucked

the world is kind to the kyphotic aryan boy
he loves it and it loves him back
he shivers and shakes like a wet deer in fright
it's such a sad sight
the rich prince who hides in the bathroom
('cause what if, 'cause what if)
kyphotic aryan boy
('cause what if, 'cause what if)
kyphotic aryan boy
('cause what if, 'cause what if)

(what the hell's goin' on out there)

blond hair blue eyes tryna speak with no prompt
he doesn't like the rain and he doesn't like the wind
he's dressed in silk at 6 pm
when the sun disappears behind the mountains he's fucked

key: a# major
tempo: 92 bpm
recorded: 10-12-2024 - 11-14-2024
good word: care

i don't draw my hand back when i place it on a stove
i don't tread on water 'cause i think that i will float
i don't have self-preservation instincts in the least
so i hope you'll take extra care of me

(i don't tr-)

(i want- to be your- friend!)
(fr-)
(friend!)

key: cǂ major (pitched up from c major)
tempo: ~110 bpm
recorded: 8-17-2024 - 11-19-2024
fun fact: this song is based on (and got its name from something involving) that dream i had with that girlfriend.
good word: absurdist

(i don't want money)

all alone
in a clearing
i was crying by myself
then all of a sudden
the sky opened up
and a bright light came from heaven above

jesus came down to me
and she was a girl
she comforted me
and i fell in love

and when i woke up
i was so confused
when i woke up
i was so confused
when i woke up
i was so confused
when i woke up
i was so confused

'cause i thought that i didn't need it
it always seemed so counterintuitive
but the seeds of doubt have been planted
it's not like i'm too old to change

i guess i just wish that things were more cut and dry
that i could make
any sense of myself

'cause when i woke up
i was so confused
when i woke up
i was so confused
when i woke up
i was so confused
when i woke up
i was so confuuuuuuuuwuuuuuuuoooh
hwuuuuuuuuuuuuuuoooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhh
uuuuuuuuoooooohhhhh 'cause

it offers no wisdom, offers no message
it's an absurdist aesop's tale
it just blasts a case that was cold wide open
and i'm left alone to figure it out

jesus came down to me
and she was a girl
she comforted me
and i fell in love

key: g minor
tempo: 115 bpm
recorded: november 2024 - 12-20-2024
fun fact: this is my first song written in spanish! (did i do okay?) also, the song's project name in fl studio is "canitssofullofbeer" because "man, it's so loud in here" by they might be giants was stuck in my head when i made it, and the idea of an arpeggiated chord progression in a minor key came from a demo for "they got lost".
good word: bastante

nadie se mueven
por un breve tiempo
ven un punto en el cielo
grande bastante ser raro

dentro de este momento me entienden
dentro de este momento encajo aquí
dentro de este momento estoy humano
lo veo también

key: a major
tempo: unsteady
recorded: 10-24-2024 - 12-19-2024
fun fact: that snippet of music that i sing over a jack stauber song at the end is my favorite line from a song i wrote in april about my crush before i fully realized i had a crush.
good word: sicker

i threw up on thanksgiving
and i turned evil
i gained a thirst for blood

i'm out for myself
my teacher was right
he told us in eight grade

that everything you do you do for a selfish reason

i was stolen from on christmas
it was out of my hands
you might look at me

and see a charitable man
but i'm still a sick boy
getting sicker every day

and everything i do i do for a selfish reason

(oh good god! you could give it a try every once-) you say nothing, i say "how high?"

(magnets will stop working for an hour.)
(every light will turn off.)
(bass frequencies will double in volume.)
(planets will become invisible.)

(i threw up-)